When someone shares that they are struggling, our natural instinct is often to help by offering advice, solving the problem, or finding a quick solution. While this response comes from a place of care, what people often need most in difficult moments is not a solution—they need to feel heard, understood, and supported.
Learning to listen with curiosity and empathy can strengthen relationships, build trust, and create a workplace culture where people feel comfortable seeking support when they need it.
The Urge to Fix
Many of us are problem solvers by nature. We hear a challenge and immediately begin thinking about how to make it better. However, when people are dealing with stress, uncertainty, disappointment, or personal difficulties, jumping straight to advice can sometimes leave them feeling misunderstood or dismissed.
Comments such as:
- “Have you tried…?”
- “You should just…”
- “At least…”
- “Don’t worry about it.”
may be intended to help, but they can unintentionally shut down the conversation or minimise the person’s experience.
Often, the goal of a conversation is not to fix the issue. Instead, it is to provide a safe space for someone to talk through their thoughts and feelings.
Common Listening Mistakes
Even with the best intentions, there are some common habits that can get in the way of effective listening:
- Interrupting -Waiting for our turn to speak rather than fully hearing what the other person is saying.
- Making it about ourselves– Responding with our own experiences before understanding theirs.
- Jumping to solutions- Offering advice before exploring what the person is experiencing.
- Minimising feelings- Trying to make someone feel better by suggesting that things are “not that bad.”
- Being distracted- Checking phones, multitasking, or thinking about the next task while someone is talking.
Recognising these habits is the first step towards becoming a more effective listener.
Simple Active Listening Techniques
Active listening is about demonstrating genuine interest and understanding. It doesn’t require specialist skills—just intentional attention.
Consider these practical techniques:
- Be fully present: Put away distractions and focus on the conversation.
- Use open body language: Maintain eye contact where appropriate and show that you are engaged.
- Listen more than you speak: Allow silence and give the person time to think and respond.
- Reflect back what you hear: For example:
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- “It sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot lately.”
- “That sounds like a really challenging situation.”
- Ask open-ended questions: Questions such as:
- “Can you tell me more about that?”
- “How has that been affecting you?”
- “What has that experience been like for you?”
- Validate their experience You don’t need to agree with everything someone says to acknowledge their feelings.
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- “I can see why that would be frustrating.”
- “That sounds really difficult.”
These small actions help people feel understood and supported.
Why Support Matters More Than Solutions
When people are experiencing stress or challenges, they are often looking for connection rather than answers. Being able to share concerns with someone who listens without judgement can reduce feelings of isolation and help people process what they are experiencing.
Importantly, listening does not mean taking responsibility for solving another person’s problems. Instead, it means creating an opportunity for them to feel heard and respected.
In many cases, feeling understood helps people develop their own clarity about next steps. Once they feel listened to, they may be more open to discussing practical options, supports, or resources if appropriate.
Building a Culture of Listening
Workplaces are stronger when people know they can speak openly and be met with understanding. Whether you are a leader, colleague, or peer supporter, taking the time to listen can have a meaningful impact on someone’s wellbeing.
The next time someone shares a challenge, resist the urge to immediately fix it. Instead, pause, listen, and seek to understand.
Sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is:
“I’m here to listen.”
Wellbeing Tip
This week, challenge yourself to spend more time listening than speaking during one conversation. Focus on understanding the person’s experience before offering advice. You may be surprised by the difference it makes.
